Darned if I do, Darned if I don't
by Aka Chuurippu
Summary: Chad's alone for Christmas, so he decides to visit a childhood friend in the soul society. There the secret he's been harboring for years escapes him. Lemon. ChadxOC. 8 mths after De Ja Vu.**REVISED Just One Night** R&R Please


**AN: Okay so this the usual Disclaimer, don't own Bleach or its characters, blah blah. However, another important note: this story is a lemony bit that takes place a few months after "De Ja Vu" and about two months before "Kido Accident". "Just one night" but then I revised it and thought that 'Just one night' didn't really fit. You can read De Ja Vu if you want, however this one does explain just enough of their background to make sense. Enjoy! **

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His feet pounded the ground fiercely as he ran. Renji was struggling to keep up next to him. As the redheaded man looked over at the tall muscular Mexican, Renji wondered why Chad was so determined to get to their destination in such a hurry.

Then it dawned on him, Christmas Day was tomorrow, and Chad didn't have any family in the world of the living. Ichigo had been dragged off by his family for a ski trip and family only Christmas, Orihime was visiting some cousins somewhere, and Uryuu had been sick with the flu for a few days. So the reason Chad wanted to get to Soul Society was to visit his oldest friend, who was currently the squad 10 Lieutenant.

There was a standing agreement between them and Yamamoto that if Chad wanted to visit, either Renji or Rukia had to call the Captain-Commander ahead of time and let him know so the alarm wouldn't sound.

"Hotaru really does mean a lot to you doesn't she?" The red-haired and tattooed Lieutenant asked of his human friend. His question was met with silence. Did she mean a lot? Yes. Did they have a future? No. So why tell anyone who didn't need to know? A final effort and they landed at their intended objective.

"I still don't see why you wouldn't let me call Hotaru to let her know you were coming, and only inform Captain-Commander Yamamoto," Renji wondered out loud.

Chad replied, "It's a surprise."

~~ In the Squad 10 Barracks ~~

Hotaru had changed into her pyjamas getting ready for bed having read Hitsugaya's note stating that he'd be at his grandmother's. She didn't care that much, he had gotten on her case earlier about decorating a small Christmas tree, and she was glad for the time alone to sit and reflect. Being the only Shinigami in the Academy to retain her memories from her prior life, and having spent most of said past life in Western Culture, Christmas was something very dear to her. So she thought to herself "I'm doing this one thing for myself this year and if he doesn't like it I'll melt his Zanpakuto."

Their personalities often clashed, then again with him being the master of an Ice Zanpakuto while she was the master of a fire Zanpakuto, she wasn't all that surprised. Still he was aware of her secret regarding her memories and as a result, they usually found some common ground to compromise on. This 'compromise' had been him agreeing to the tree, but nothing else in the office. She had readily accepted that, seeing as how the tree was the only thing she cared about.

Looking up at the Christmas tree decorated in the office, she sat down with her hot chocolate and marsh mellows to enjoy the flickering of the Christmas lights. For reasons unknown to her, she had always found the blinking lights soothing. A knock on the Barracks door made her jump, grabbing her fuzzy yellow house coat, and wrapping it around herself she approached the door. There was another knock at the door. "Hang on, I'm coming!" she shouted to the impatient visitor, as she turned the door knob. Opening the door, and looking at the person in the doorway her breath hitched in her throat.

"Yasutora..."

"Hotaru, I wanted to see you."

"Well don't just stand there silly, come in, you have to be freezing," she replied ushering in the man who towered 1 ½ feet over her. While he sat on the couch she busied herself getting him a hot chocolate to help warm him up a bit. Once the drink was prepared she grabbed a throw blanket and joined him on the couch, removing her house coat to reveal a red silk pyjamas set she sat next to him, pulling the fluffy red blanket over both of them.

"You didn't have to bring the blanket Hotaru, I'm okay."

"None sense. I'm not buying that for a minute. If you were okay you wouldn't have been shivering."

"I'm not cold."

Hotaru raised an eyebrow at her childhood friend, "Yasutora I can see you quaking from here, and you're not afraid of anything so don't even try to tell me that it's nerves."

Chad sat there wondering how he was going to convince her. She was stubborn, fierce, determined, and very strong. She always had been, but those traits became even more pronounced after she became the squad 10 Lieutenant, replacing Rangiku Matsumoto who had resigned after the Winter War last year.

He looked over at his childhood friend who was watching the blinking Christmas tree lights again, her shoulder length scarlet red hair wasn't in its usual ponytail and freely framed her delicate facial features. Her emerald green eyes were sparkling with delight at the sight of the Christmas lights, and on her snow white skin complexion, he could see a very faint rosy blush on her cheeks. Due to the fact that she had died at the age of 14, she still looked to be 14-years-old, suddenly he felt like a creepy perverted old man. There he was, 17-years-old and ogling a friend who had the body of a 14-year-old. What was wrong with him?

Then he looked over at the Christmas tree lights flashing on the pine. They were beautiful, and he wondered why he hadn't noticed it before then. "You're right; normally I'm not afraid of anything. But this..."

Hotaru was concerned now, putting her hot chocolate down on a coaster she turned her full attention to the 6'6" Mexican before her, "what is it?"

He was sweating, despite the shivering and the icy cold feeling that washed over him. Why was this so hard? Because he was afraid of what would happen if he did reveal it. He was afraid of what he was risking.

"Please talk to me Tora, what's wrong?"

Tora? She only called him that when she was ready to cry. He glanced over at her, and sure enough tears of worry were gleaming in her eyes. He had to say something to pacify her. He couldn't bear to see her cry!

"Hotaru I-" his voice caught in his throat as he hesitated. "I miss you." _Grrr! You bloody coward! That is not you wanted to say_, he cursed at himself.

Hotaru's face lightened a little, though her eye brow rose in question of whether that was all there was to it. "I miss you too Yasutora," she replied, still not completely convinced. Although Hotaru figured if she stopped pushing him, eventually he'd open up to her about what was wrong. Unless... there was one way she used to trick him into opening up when they were kids, she wondered if it would still work.

"Truth or dare?"

"Not playing."

Damn it! Well then fine, she'd just have to use her trump card. She waited for a moment, then she lunged at him, knocking him back on the couch, she straddled him, and began tickling his ribs fiercely. She may have had a leg on either side of him, but she hovered above his pelvis, he was grateful she hadn't plunked herself down on him.

"Ru-ru Stop!" He begged.

"Tell me what's bothering you and I'll stop."

"Sarah, Knock it off!" Sarah? He never used her middle name. She cocked an eyebrow at him what in the name of the blue sky was he hiding? Then an evil smirk spread across her lips.

Yasutora gulped at the sight of that smirk thinking to himself, 'Now what's she going to do? Why does she have to straddle me like that?'

"Well Sado-kun, since you won't talk, I'll have to torture you," she giggled.

What was she planning? Part of him wanted her off, but part of him wanted her to stay. She unbuttoned his yellow and black Hawaiian print shirt and blew a raspberry onto his stomach.

"Ru that's disgusting!"

"Talk to me," she ordered as she blew another one.

"Stop!" He was kicking his legs a bit each time she delivered one, it tickled but he was worried about something else.

"Talk and I'll stop," she replied as she performed a third raspberry on his stomach. He felt a slight twitch in his pants. Oh shit!

"GET OFF ME!" he bellowed with a bit more anger than he had intended. She did jump backwards that time, however as she did, she accidentally brushed up against his aroused groin which caused him to let out an involuntary groan.

"Chad?"

"Hmm?" That was interesting to hear, she had only called him 'Chad' a few times when she had visited the world of the living.

"That thing that's bothering you, it has something to do with me, doesn't it?"

He was stunned momentarily, but nodded in response. Hotaru pushed herself over to the other side of the couch, further away then she had been before. A lump was forming in her throat. This was a path they couldn't go down, and they both knew it. She focused back on the tree and kept her gaze off him. The butterflies were rising in his stomach, and the icy feeling was back, he wished he hadn't yelled at her. "Sorry I scared you."

Hotaru chuckled, "your yell didn't scare me."

"So why are you distant now?"

The redhead didn't reply, her gaze fell to her neatly folded hands in her lap. She couldn't bring herself to look at him.

"Hotaru..."

"P-please don't think that I'm doing this just to be a bitch, because I'm not. In this situation if I'm going to be kind, I have to be cruel," Hotaru interrupted. He was a bit taken back, for a moment. 'To be kind I have to be cruel?' What did she mean, and more importantly, why was she suddenly giving him the cold shoulder? She had noticed it, and he had frightened her.

"Hotaru, I'm sorry I- I wish I didn't feel this way, but I can't help it."

"I know you can't, I'm not frightened by you exactly I just-" She let out a heavy sigh, how was she going to explain this?

"Ru-ru, what's got you so scared?"

"It's forbidden."

"What?"

"A Shinigami in soul society and a human in the land of the living is a forbidden union. If I were still alive, it'd be different, but I'm not so, I can't. Even if I was exiled from soul society, there'd be a chance, but I'm not exiled either. So this can't happen Yasutora, I'm sorry."

"Ru, what are you saying?"

"I'm saying I can't do anything with you, even if I did want to," she blurted, immediately a deep blush covered her cheeks, and she absent-mindedly began to trace a pattern on her pant leg. A small tear escaped her eye and she paid it no attention.

Chad didn't know what to say or what to do, he appreciated the position she was in, but he didn't think she fully understood his. He didn't care if it was just one night, or even one hour. For just a little while, he wanted her to be his. He needed her to be his, this was a damned if you do, damned if you don't sort of thing for him. He reached his hand out to grasp her arm in a friendly manner, but she pulled away.

"Don't," she whispered, she was now wishing she hadn't figured out what was wrong with him, more tears stung her eyes threatening to fall.

"Hotaru... please, just hear me out," he pleaded there was pain in his voice.

The young Shinigami looked at his face, was he... he was. He was crying!

"I know that long-term, this won't work out, and I don't care. For however long we can, I want to be yours, and I want you to be mine."

"Tora..."

He reached his hand out towards her face, his thumb wiping away her tears as he cradled her face in his massive hand. "It could be just one night, it could be a week. I don't care. All I want for Christmas is you, Hotaru Sarah Kobayashi."

She was melting, and she knew it, but if she did give in and they broke up, they'd both be hurt. Then again, they were already hurting. To hell with it!

"I love you, Yasutora."

"I love you, Ru," he replied, moving towards her once again for another kiss. She responded, at first just pressing her lips against his in reply to his action. Then, something inside her took over, she pushed him back on the couch, and repositioned herself. Once again she straddled him, this time instead of hovering over his lap, she rested on his lap. He had gasped a little when she placed herself over his crotch, but figured if she became offended she'd move.

One of his arms was wrapped around her petite waist while the other became tangled in her shoulder length hair. Her hands were on the back of his neck, and one was traveling down south towards his chest. She smirked a bit as she looked at the open shirt that previously covered his chest, "yellow background and black print Hawaiian shirt. You do that on purpose?"

"Yes."

She smiled even wider yellow was her favourite colour on him. His giant hands found her petite hands, grasping them he rested his forehead against hers. "Hotaru... I don't want to do anything you're not ready for," He voiced his concern.

"I know you don't. I don't want to do anything you don't want to either. So the question is how far do we both want to go?"

"Hotaru..."

"I know I look fourteen. But remember, I was born the same year as you, one day before you. So technically if you look at it that way, I'm seventeen, same as you, there's nothing perverted about that, it's just that Shinigami physically age slower than humans. So how much do you want to do?"

He thought for a moment, this could be his only chance with her, but at the same time, he didn't know how much he could bring himself to do, how much he was actually ready for. "Let's just see where things go on their own," he suggested.

She smiled at the suggestion recapturing his lips with her own, she ran the tip of her tongue along his lips, which led to him opening his mouth to grant her access. He felt the metal ball of her piercing as it slid across his tongue. She tasted like pomegranates and hot chocolate. A soft moan escaped him as he began gently gyrating his hips up and into her. She responded by grinding herself against him.

He stilled his hips as he began kissing a trail down to her jaw line, then to the collar of her silk pyjamas, he then watched her expression as he placed a hand on the fabric of the shirt, and then gently began massaging her modest sized breasts. She bit her lip a little, and arched her back forcing her chest towards his hands. Under the fabric he could feel her nipples harden, he wanted to see them, taste them, bite them.

He slipped his hands over the red pyjama shirt, and unbuttoned the five ruby circles that clasped the fabric closed as he moved downward. She helped him remove it, when he looked her over; she blushed as deep red as her hair.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"They're kind of... small," she admitted, suddenly self-conscious.

He shook his head 'no' grasping them in his hands he whispered to her, "On you, they're perfect."

She responded by crushing her lips against his. He wrapped his arms around her, pressing their bare chests as close together as he dared, he knew he could press harder, but he didn't want to risk hurting her.

Once the kiss broke, he pushed her back on the couch, and moved his head down to her breasts, taking the left breast into his mouth, his teeth biting down slightly while his tongue swirled around the erect nipple. Hotaru arched her back again. His free hand began playing with her right breast, tweaking the nipple between his thumb and a finger.  
"Mmm Tora," she moaned in his ear, she was already breathing heavily.

His pants had become uncomfortable he had to get out of them. He broke away from her flesh for a moment to unzip himself and free his eight inch throbbing member, he stroked himself a few times to ease the tension that had built up soft moans escaping him with each stroke. Once he had eased the tension slightly he turned his attention back to Hotaru, but now her hands were on his chest as he hovered over her, she turned her attention away from his mouth, and instead began sucking on his earlobe for a moment, before biting down slightly.

"Ahh, Hotaru," he moaned then bit his lip, he was trying to stay as quiet as he could. The last thing he wanted was for her to get in trouble.

Her hands went down into her pyjama pants, the next thing he knew she was moaning against his ear. A smile crept over him as he realised what she was doing. "Never thought I'd witness this," he murmured to her.

"Witness what?"

"A sexy, brilliant, amazing woman masturbating in front of me, but sweetheart, these are blocking the view," he complained slightly as he indicated to the pyjama fabric. With one swift move from Hotaru they were down around her knees. "Better?"

"Hmm," he replied, then pulled on the pant leg hems so that her pants were completely off. "That's better," he stated as he watched her movements he had never done this before, but he was a quick learner. He watched her tracing a finger on the skin around her clit before gliding the same finger over the bud of flesh, then she kept rubbing the nub over and over.

He grasped a hold of her wrist and gently pushed her hand away, she whimpered slightly pouting at him. "My turn," he whispered to her, and he replaced her hand with his mouth. Hotaru bit down on her lip hard, before grabbing a pillow and pushing it against her face to stifle the moans that escaped her.

He chuckled inwardly, but was a bit worried she'd suffocate. His worry was abolished however, when she pushed the pillow away, and then pushed him away from herself.

"Ru, did I do something wrong?" he asked.

He was answered by her pushing him onto his back but her head stayed down near his erection. He briefly wondered what she was going to do, but the wonder didn't last long. She grasped a hold of him in her hand and began stroking him like she'd witnessed him doing to himself minutes ago. His eyes rolled back into his head and his mouth was open. "oh god," he groaned, bucking his hips with the motion of her hand.

Then he started wondering something, how were they going to do this? He easily outweighed her by over one hundred pounds, he didn't want to crush her, but he didn't want her to just get impaled by him either. She'd never done anything like this either... then he thought of a way to protect her from both his weight, and taking in too much of him at once. His thoughts slipped from him however as he felt his cock enter a tight, warm environment, then he felt the metal against the head of his penis. "Ahh," he moaned, his eyes were clenched closed tightly, he was trying to keep control. The urge to just buck wildly until he achieved orgasm was crushing but he resisted.

After a few bobs of her head, he pushed her mouth away from him, "You want to go further?"

The smile that spread like wild fire over her lips told him his answer. He reached into the pocket of his jeans and pulled out a condom which he then unwrapped and placed on himself. Pulling off the rest of his pants and underwear he stood up, his hand out reached to her, she took it, and he pulled her up to her feet, then he bent down, kissing her deeply, he reached under her ass, pulling her legs up. "wrap your legs around me," he instructed. She gave him a questioning look. "I don't want to hurt you anymore than I have to," he answered the unasked question. She wasn't sure how he was going to achieve that, but this was a guy she'd known since they met in Daycare. Even when he went through his 'jerk phase' he protected her, so she trusted him fully.

Then he found her entrance, sliding a single finger in at first which easily slipped in and out. Then he added a second one, she gasped for a second, but quickly began panting at the sensation. "Please," she begged him. He smiled a bit, she was as eager as he was, "Okay." He positioned her over himself, freeing up one arm to guide himself in. He was glad she only weighed around 105, it made things a bit easier for him. He lowered her onto himself slowly. The pleasure for him was instant, then he felt the barrier break. Hotaru hissed a little. "Should I stop?" he asked her. Hotaru shook her head 'no'. He lowered her further down, his right hand still keeping a firm grip on her ass. When she was fully on he heard her ask "just give me a moment, okay?"

He nodded in response, he needed a minute too, the entry alone had brought him dangerously close to his climax, if this was the only chance he'd have to be with her, he wanted to enjoy every second of it. This wasn't just a one night stand to him, that's how others would view it if they ever knew. His body wouldn't be only hers forever, he knew that was the most likely case. He didn't care. His heart had always been hers since they lived in Mexico together. She had seen the best, and worst of him, and she had never been afraid.

His legs felt weak already, he hadn't expected that. He didn't want to risk letting her fall, so he positioned his body next to the couch, and sat back down. He looked over at her, to see her smiling at him with her eyes full of lust, trust, and devotion. Then she wiggled a bit on him. He inhaled sharply, just that small movement felt massive to him. He took that as a sign that she was ready. She demonstrated she was by moving herself up on him, he guided her hips back down.

They kept moving like that for a while, but he grew slightly concerned, sometimes when she'd lower back down onto him, she'd wince a bit, he knew it was her first time, same as him, but he wanted her to have as little pain as possible, he wanted her to enjoy it as much as she could.

He pulled out of her and moved them again, so that she was on her back with her legs over his shoulders, he repositioned himself at the opening of her pussy. He pushed into her, keeping his eyes locked on her face. Her face became over whelmed with pleasure as he found her g-spot. "Tora, there, right there..." she panted. He obeyed exiting and then slamming back into that same spot. The second thrust that he tried he knew he didn't hit it. The third thrust did hit.

He tried to keep hitting that same spot over and over, but he was so focused on her that his own release crept up on him, the only warning was the wave of pleasure that washed over his body. He realised too late that he was close, and his motions paused for a moment trying to hold back his cum.

"Yasutora?"

He didn't reply, his eyes were wide with the startling jolt of reality. "No," he grunted as he filled the prophylactic. "Sorry," he mumbled as he pulled out and removed the used condom.

"Don't worry about it," she replied smiling at him.

"But you didn't get to finish," he complained, the disappointment he felt with himself was evident. Hotaru didn't reply vocally, she simply took his hand, and led it to her clit. He clued into what she was thinking. He repeated the pattern he'd watched her doing earlier, she hissed at first.

"Gently Tora. It doesn't take much pressure," she instructed.

He lessened the intensity of the strokes of his fingers. 'Almost like strumming a guitar' he thought briefly. Within minutes, Hotaru's face contorted with pleasure, while her hands clutched the pillow behind her head so tightly her knuckles were shining white. Her cheeks were rose coloured again, and her eyes were tightly closed. She looked like she wanted to scream.

He captured her mouth with his own, and she allowed a muffled scream to escape her lips as her climax hit. When he pulled away from her, she was smiling a bit.

"Feel better now?"

He nodded.

"You've always been such big-hearted sweetie," she swooned, kissing him once again. As they pulled away, she kept her eyes locked on his.

"Merry Christmas Sado-kun," She grinned as she kissed the tip of his nose.

"Merry Christmas Kobayashi-san," He returned, pushing a stray strand of hair out of her face.

It may have been only one night, but he knew he'd never regret this. He would've regretted staying silent, and never telling her how he felt, or how badly he wanted her. The idea that it wouldn't happen again did hurt a bit, but that was a hurt he could live with.

"We'll still be friends after this right?" he wasn't certain she felt the same way about this as he did.

She nodded, "Even closer than we were before."


End file.
